Why Do Toddlers Bite and How to Handle it When They Do

Most parents are horrified when they receive a note sent home from day care that their child has bitten someone. Some of our own mothers and grandmother's would advise us "Bite him back, then he won't do it again, it worked with my kids". As child development specialists we do not advocate biting a child back, since this only teaches a child that it is indeed ok to bite when they are angry. However, we can offer some other suggestions as to why biting behaviors occur and how to remedy them.

Toddlers bite for several reasons, many because they simply lack the language skills to tell someone "I am SO mad", or "You are in my space". They may also bite because they are over-tired, teething or have a need for extra oral stimulation. Some kids bite because they are over stimulated by a situation or overly excited. And, some may just do it to see what someone's reaction is when they do it. The best way to understand biting is to find out which one of the above reasons led to the bite. From there parents and caregivers can start to work on ways to prevent future biting episodes by asking:

1. What happened right before your child bit someone?
2. Who did he/she bite and what were they doing at the time?
3. Where was your child when they bit (home, daycare, play ground)?
4. Does your child always bite the same child/adult?

Next look for ways to intervene before your child bites. For example, if a child is biting due to the need for oral stimulation, offer him something appropriate to chew on such as food or a sensory chew tube. If a child is biting when others get too close, intervene by telling him "I know you don't like when Stevie gets too close to you, use your words and tell him, do not touch my hair". If your child is over-tired adjust his sleep schedule or avoid play dates when he is tired. If your child is teething offer a teething toy or cold washcloth to chew on. At other times you may be able to intervene simply with distraction and move the child elsewhere before too much frustration or anger sets in and leads to a bite.

When a child does bite here is what to do:

1. Be calm and do not address the situation unless you can do so in a calm matter of fact tone.
2. Keep your words firm, simple and clear (but not angry) saying "Biting hurts, we do not bite" and separate the child from the situation. Also make the child aware of the other child's feelings by saying "You hurt Christine, look at her she is crying because you bit her. Biting hurts'. Many times parents & caregivers focus too much attention on the biter and not the child who was bitten and even though the attention is negative this may be an incentive for the child to bite again. Try to give more attention to the child that was hurt and less attention to the biter.
3. If the child does have language, then you can address the issue a bit later with the child by saying "I know Christine took your truck, but you need to use your words and tell her that is my truck, and if she doesn't give it back you can go to a teacher for help".
4. Next help both children to get involved in another play activity, but do not force them to play together if they don't want to and remember learning new behaviors always takes time.

You can also read books about biting to toddlers such as:

•  Teeth Are Not for Biting by Elizabeth Verdick
•  No Biting by Karen Katz
•  No Biting, Louise by Margie Palatini 

Biting is a very common behavior for toddlers, however it usually stops by age 3 to 3 1/2.  If your child continues to bite, or the number of bites increases instead of decreases over time, it is probably a good idea to request an assessment from a child development specialist.  A child development specialist can help you identify the reason for the biting and develop a strategy for addressing the behavior.  Remember, there is no quick fix for stopping any behavior. Over time, and with assistance, your child will stop biting and use more appropriate ways to express his/her needs, especially as language and socialization skills increase.

BedTimes

Children need to be taught bedtime routines and assisted in maintaining them.  Routines help children fall asleep and stay asleep successfully. Without bedtime routines, young children can feel disorganized and uncomfortable. Here are some ways to help your child feel confident and secure during bedtimes:

1. Start quieting down after dinner. Play quiet games, read books, turn off the television. This sets the tone for a peaceful evening.
2. Keep bath time calm. Rowdy water play is best saved for the backyard pool.
3. Try some infant/toddler massage techniques after the bath. You don't need to know any specific techniques just do what comes naturally and what you would imagine would feel good to you.
4. Find a cozy spot to snuggle in and read a few books. Stick with the same preset number of books each evening. Three books then lights out!
5. Choose a favorite lullaby, nursery rhyme or prayer and say it each evening before putting your child in bed.
6. Give a hug and a kiss, say goodnight and leave the room.

This exact routine might not work for your situation. Find the routine that will work for you and keep that structure each evening.  Bedtime routines that are established early and followed consistently keep children and parents happy!

Mealtime...?

In our busy lives, mealtimes can be simultaneously a brief reprieve from a hectic schedule and one of the most chaotic points in a family's daily routine.  Mealtimes can be a time to check in with one another, hold hands, sit on laps, tell funny stories and report important events.  They can also be times full of temper tantrums, thrown food, non-compliance and bickering.  The wish for most families is to have more of a "checking-in" feeling and less of a "food-throwing" feeling associated with their mealtimes.  Following a set routine and establishing expectations well in advance and in a consistent manner can help foster a smooth and successful family mealtime. 

Here are some suggestions:

• Plan simple and quick meals that don't require a lot pots and pans.  Save that fancy recipe for a weekend meal or a grown up dinner party.
• Prepare as much of the meal as possible in advance.
• Let the children help shop for, put away and prepare the foods that they eat.
• Start encouraging your children to "help" set the table from a young age.  Even two year olds can place spoons on the table.  This is a perfect opportunity to work on language skills and following directions:  "Put the spoons beside the plates." Kids enjoy feeling that they're "helping" and it keeps them busy for the five minutes that they would otherwise be pestering their siblings or getting into the pantry for a snack!
• Slow down!  Try serving the meal "family style" and help the kids pass serving dishes around the table and to serve themselves appropriate portions.  Encourage them to ask for items to be passed to them.  Again, this is the perfect opportunity to work on language skills and table manners ("I want more potatoes please." or "Please pass the chicken.") and fine motor skills (using utensils, self feeding, etc.)

Encourage your child to at least try a bit of each food.  Forcing them to eat something they don't like will only associate negative feelings with mealtime and will escalate emotions that are not conducive to a calm and pleasant family time.  If your child has an extremely limited repertoire of foods that he/she will eat, you might want to consider getting an OT evaluation.

For children who resist sitting at the table for appropriate amounts of time, auditory or visual timers can be helpful.  The amount of time the child is expected to sit at the table can gradually be increased over a period of time.  The child should be rewarded with verbal praise for each successful effort at sitting at the table.  Some children may require an external reward such as a sticker or small treat.

If misbehavior occurs during a meal, calmly explain to your child that the dinner table is not an appropriate place to scream, throw food, stand on the chair, etc.  If the behavior occurs again, calmly remove your child from the table and tell them that they may return when they're ready to behave appropriately.  ALWAYS be sure to model the behavior that you expect of your child.
At the end of the meal, encourage your child again to "help" clear the table and clean up the dishes.  Even very young children can help out in small ways.  One year olds will feel so important if they're asked to throw the napkins away!

Mealtimes can no doubt, be an incredibly stressful time for families.  These suggestions may help to alleviate some of the stress associated with mealtimes but there will certainly be times that none of them seemed to work.  Gradually, over time, and done consistently, these strategies will establish an expectation and routine for family meals.  That's not to say that there won't ever be nights again where more of the spaghetti ends up on the floor than in your child's belly or that you're left exhausted, sitting at a table that looks like a miniature war zone.  On those nights, put the kids to bed, make yourself a cup of tea and be happy that mealtimes only happen three times a day!

What to Do About Negative Influences on Your Child

Right from birth children learn by observation and imitation. Your infant learns facial expressions from you. Your baby learns words from you. Your toddler however learns from everyone. In fact new research shows toddlers as young as 14 months can even learn and remember actions and behaviors seen on television. So it comes as no surprise that toddlers also often pick up bad behaviors and habits from other children or adults. As a parent this can present a catch-22. On one hand you want your child to be well socialized and interact well with other people and children, but on the other hand bad learned behaviors can be extremely frustrating especially with a toddler already in the "terrible" stage. So what can you do to prevent your toddler from learning picking up bad behavior from others?

Remaining consistent in the face of bad behavior

The most important thing you can do as a parent is be consistent. Even if the negative influence you are dealing with is present and his/her parents, address bad behavior immediately. Don't feel as if addressing your own child's behavior may single out, embarrass or offend the other child's parents. Different parents have different rules and approaches, one way may not be right for everyone. For example I let my toddler son color on our walls with washable markers. It comes off easily and he enjoys it. Most parents would view wall coloring as a negative behavior, but I do not. No matter where you are and whose around you need to stick to the rules and discipline forms you have established. If the negative behavior is a new habit, you also need to act quickly so that your child doesn't think this behavior is okay.

In the case the negative influence is an adult you should not only address your child, but the adult. In the case of a child you may want to avoid doing so, so as not to over step your bounds into another parent's realm, but an adult should know better. Be frank, honest and polite. Simply say, "Hey, I'd rather you not do *this* around my child please." In most cases people are willing to oblige your request.

You may also consider asking a parent to address an extremely bad or possibly dangerous behavior in their child that your child is copycatting. Again, be polite, honest and in this case tactful. Avoid accusing or suggesting bad parenting. In example, say your toddler's new role model likes to climb the entertainment center in the living room. Perhaps say to his/her parents, "That entertainment center doesn't look very sturdy. He/she could get hurt. Do you want me to get him/her down?" This brings their attention to the fact that the behavior is dangerous even if it doesn't point out furniture climbing is simply a bad thing for a kid to be doing which should result in them stopping the behavior.

Limiting negative influences

In the event a behavior is dangerous or extreme and the parents or the adult are unwilling to address or change the behavior you may have to debate limiting or eliminating your child's contact with this person or child. The same way you wouldn't let your toddler watch a television show that taught him or her a bad habit just because he/she enjoyed it, you shouldn't continue to expose your child to a negative influence just for the sake of friendship. There are many toddlers out there to set up play dates with, social interaction can be obtained from other sources.

Outside of remaining consistent, being quick to react and correct negative behavior, and limiting or even eliminating negative influences there's little more you can do to prevent your toddler from picking up behaviors from other kids or adults. On the upside your toddler will likely also pick up positive habits and behaviors.

How to make our kids like to go to school

Most of the children complain of not liking school in their early days. This is the time, when parents should actually try to identify what the real problem is. It may either be just boredom or stress factor that makes a child hate school. This article helps parents to understand every detail they need to know about how to make kids like to go to school.

How to make kids like to go to school 

Have you ever noticed that your kid has severe stomach aches during the school time, or even fever just as soon as the school bus arrives near the house for picking him up. Is it that your kid starts feeling giddy or sick as soon as he starts getting ready for school as soon as his parent wonders what is exactly going on with the child he starts feeling better as soon as he is allowed to stay home? So if you are one of the parents, whose kids do have all such problem or any other just in time, then you need to know that there is definitely something going wrong here. Maybe your kid doesn't wish to go school. The reason could be because he doesn't like it or doesn't enjoy so much going to school.

This is a common problem most of us face when kids go to school. Is it that kids go to school or we actually send them to school? Whatever may the answer be but the fact is not all children enjoy schooling as much the rest do. Schooling is all about learning, getting education and finishing the set standard curriculum, but maybe that's not each and every child in the school is looking for. May be each and every child out there has their own imagination which makes him ask for more, and then maybe the school that this child goes to does not work as her his or her expectation. So whatever be the reason, which definitely has to be one of them a kid may not enjoy going to school. But when such question arises whether or not why would a kid not enjoy going to school, can't we just ask ourselves whether or not we enjoyed going to school. If we did then why these kids don't? What has changed from then to today's circumstances? Or there is some other reason which we need to know, which makes kids uninterested in going to school?

It is not exactly a great thought to know that your kid does not enjoy going to school, but if you ignore this fact and forcibly keep sending him or her to school the problem worsen further. But then this doesn't mean that you ask your kid to stop quit school (which the kids would enjoy so much) and stay home. We all know that schooling is so important in life. But forceful schooling is not going to do any good. Though the fact remains unchanged that each and every individual needs to go to school, as it is very important for their personality development, gaining of knowledge and academic evaluation. But other than forcing a child to go to school a parent may just try to investigate the reasons for the child not liking the school at all. Like what goes wrong, or has it been like this before or even if there is some kind of trouble the child is facing.

Basic reasons why a child wouldn't like to go to school

Here are few basic and common reasons known to parents which are applicable to most of the children who don't like to go to school:

1. The child doesn't enjoy the schooling session.
2. The child finds schooling boring.
3. The child finds the curriculum and study material difficult enough to understand and hence avoids doesn't like to go to school.
4. The child has problem with few of his class-mates or doesn't have a healthy friendship with anyone which makes it hate school
5. Any other child bullies him and the child is terribly frightened. This is one of the common reasons which make kid hate school.
6. The regular punishments in school make him feel embarrassed in front of his class-mates.
7. The child is been teased either for his looks or his academic performance.
8. The child feels dumb as compared to other children in his or her class.
9. The child feels too exhausted with the study pressure
10. Maybe the child hates the way he or she is been treated in school by either his classmates or his teachers.
11. Few kids consider school as a prison and hence don't like it.
12. Most of the kids are exhausted or stressed out and hence don't enjoy schooling.

Each one of us need to understand that the above reasons only suggests that it is not the school they actually hate, but it mostly the circumstances or situations around the school that actually bug the kids.

Get to the root of problem

Parent has to first identify the root of the problem. Once you get to the root you know what you should or you can do about it. Other than forcing kids to school, maybe parents can think of different ways by which kids would start liking school. But for this it is very important that a parent tries to understand the real reason about why a kid doesn't like school and then help their children with liking school. However parents need to understand the root cause at the earliest, usually in early years of school or the problem can worsen further.

Handle the school bully

If your child is afraid of some other child in the school who bullies him in any way, then it's time that you put a stop to it. Either talk to the teacher about this bully or report to school authorities. If possible speak to this child's parents or even if that doesn't solve the issue then handle the bully yourself. In such cases you may also teach your child to about how they can handle the bully themselves. This will not only help them gain their confidence but also help them to gain some respect in front of their class mates.

Help your child to make friends in school

When children have good friends in school or a small group of friends in school, they enjoy schooling even better. So if your child's real problem is that he is not able to make friends, then maybe he needs your little help. Call over his classmates for a small snack party and allow them to spend some time. Or you can also make him join some activity class of his own interest where he may find kids of same interest, who can be good friends to him.

Try to make studies easy and understandable for your kids

In this case you may also need the school teacher to help you out with steps on how schooling can be made easy. Help your child with worksheets and easy examples which will make him understand the concept much better. Nowadays with internet we can also provide kids with additional resources and study materials with actual pictures and educational games which make studies as well as concept easier for kids.

Try and make schooling a fun-filled activity

Though this can look a bit difficult, but it is not impossible. Once you understand what your child is really interested in then maybe you can help him out to achieve it. Finally each and every child has to like something and dislike something. But it is more important to pay attention to their likings and provide them helps with that. Like for instance if a child wants to join the football session the school has before school, allow him to join that. This way a child would definitely make it to school and also make some friends of his own age group. However if a child hates a particular class but has joined out of pressure from you or his teacher, then that should be stopped immediately. This way a child would never find schooling boring.

Reward your child for 100% school attendance

If your child starts enjoying schooling sessions and does attend school regularly without even missing a single day in a month; then you should reward your child at the end of the month for doing so just to boost his confidence. This reward could be anything from a Ice-cream treat or small toy or anything else.

This way you would make it easier for child to enjoy schooling without any pressure. However if in any way you are not able to reach to the root of cause then an expert's advice is really needed. So don't just ignore the problem but in a way try to help your child to make schooling an enjoyable experience for him.